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Dogs.twee
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:: StoryTitle
I am Dog(s)
:: StoryData
{
"ifid": "55169585-2813-4924-8A1F-BF477351287E",
"format": "Harlowe",
"format-version": "3.2.2",
"start": "Introduction",
"tag-colors": {
"Denouement": "gray",
"Discord": "blue",
"Intro": "yellow",
"Meditation": "red",
"Park": "green",
"Realizations": "orange",
"Talking": "purple",
"Title": "gray",
"Unification": "purple"
},
"zoom": 1
}
:: Story Stylesheet [stylesheet]
@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Catamaran&display=swap');
@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Source+Serif+Pro:wght@300&display=swap');
tw-story {
min-height: 100vh;
height: auto !important;
}
tw-story[tags~="Park"] {
background: url(img/forest.jpg);
background-size: cover;
background-attachment: fixed;
}
tw-story[tags~="High-School"] {
background: url(img/stairwell.jpg);
background-size: cover;
background-attachment: fixed;
}
tw-story[tags~="Bathroom"] {
background: url(img/bathroom.jpg);
background-size: cover;
background-attachment: fixed;
}
tw-story[tags~="Bedroom"] {
background: url(img/night%20bedroom.jpg);
background-size: cover;
background-attachment: fixed;
}
tw-story[tags~="Discord"] {
background: #2f3136;
}
tw-passage:not([tags~="Discord"]) {
background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0, 0.8);
padding: 1em;
font-family: 'Source Serif Pro', Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;
}
tw-passage[tags~="Discord"] {
font-family: 'Catamaran', Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;
background: #36393f;
color: #dcddde;
line-height: 1.25em;
padding-left: 3em;
text-indent: 0;
border: none;
white-space: pre-wrap;
border: 1em solid #36393f;
}
tw-hook[name]::before {
content: '';
width: 2.5em;
height: 2.5em;
border-radius: 50%;
position: absolute;
left: -3em;
up: -0.25em;
}
tw-hook[name="sunny"]::before {
background: url(img/puppy.jpeg);
background-size: cover;
}
tw-hook[name="gold"]::before {
background: url(img/gold.jpeg);
background-size: cover;
}
tw-hook[name="goth"]::before {
background: url(img/pentagram.jpeg);
background-size: cover;
}
tw-hook[name="dog"]::before {
background: url(img/dog.png);
background-size: cover;
}
tw-hook[name="radiant"]::before {
background: url(img/radiant.jpg);
background-size: cover;
}
tw-hook[name="penumbra"]::before {
background: url(img/penumbra.png);
background-size: cover;
}
tw-hook[name="twilight"]::before {
background: url(img/twilight.jpeg);
background-size: cover;
}
tw-hook[name="radianttext"] {
background: #2f3136;
width: auto;
height: auto;
padding: .2em;
margin: -.2em 0;
border-radius: 3px;
font-size: 85%;
font-family: Consolas, Andale Mono WT, Andale Mono, Lucida Console, Lucida Sans Typewriter, DejaVu Sans Mono, Bitstream Vera Sans Mono, Liberation Mono, Nimbus Mono L, Monaco, Courier New, Courier, monospace;
text-indent: 0;
border: none;
white-space: pre-wrap;
}
:: Introduction [Intro] {"position":"25,25","size":"100,100"}
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: self-esteem, references to ableism]
(link:"➥ Continue", (text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)+(hover-style:(text-style:"Underline")))[==\
When I was younger, I always wore long hair. At the time I just didn't care about haircuts so I avoided them. I just kept growing out my hair, even if it kept getting in my eyes. (link-reveal:"I could still see through my hair after all.")[==
Sure, it made my sight a little fuzzier. It got harder to see things in my peripheral vision. But I just kept wearing it long because I didn't care for shorter hair. Eventually, I grew up and figured that meant cutting it off. (link-reveal:"But that bit of blindness remained no matter how short my hair got.")[==
I couldn't see certain things about myself. I couldn't see myself as "smart" enough to enjoy working with technology. I couldn't see myself as talented enough to make art. I couldn't see how much I wanted to be a woman.
(link-reveal:"But most of all...")[==
(t8n-depart:"instant")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:2s)[[➥ It made me think I was human->Walk in the Park]]
:: Walk in the Park [Intro Park] {"position":"150,25","size":"100,100"}
(change: ?page, (transition:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:2s))\
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: self-esteem, references to ableism]
The sun's tingly warmth relaxes my soul as (link-reveal:"I walk in the park.")[==
After being cooped up indoors for such a long dark winter the smell of dirt and plants is incredibly cathartic. I get shivers down my spine as the breeze (link-reveal:"rustles the leaves above me.")[==
But existing as myself, outside the house. It's an existence so utterly mundane and yet so free. (link-reveal:"Thats what raises my spirits the highest.")[==
And appearing from behind a bend I see the most incredible sight! (link-reveal:"Yellow fur, ")[==(link-reveal:"a black nose, ")[==(link-reveal:"four legs and four paws, ")[==(link-reveal:"and a happy wagging tail.", (text-style:"sway"))[==
(link-reveal:"It's a golden retriever!", (text-colour:yellow))[==
I beam as I see the dog trotting over towards me, as happy as they can be. Just like I am. I have to hold myself back from skipping over too, saying hi and petting them - (link-replace:"I want to...")[==I want to, (link-replace:"but...")[==but people make me anxious. Like the person on the other end of the leash. (link-reveal:"So I just mind my business and try to look uninterested.")[==
Soon the moment passes, as the dog and their owner pass by.
The owner is forgotten, but I keep thinking about their dog. I think a refrain that keeps getting stuck in my head lately.
[[➥ They'll never know that...->Title]]
:: Title [Intro Title] {"position":"275,25","size":"100,100"}
(box:"X")+(align:"=><=")+(css:"max-width:none;width: calc(100% - 2em);")[(text-size:3)[I am Dog(link-repeat:"(s)")[(dialog:"We'll get to this, sit tight.")]]
(text-size:1.5)[//By AnnaLee//]]
(transition-arrive:"fadeup")[[➥ It all started with a conversation I had with an old friend...->The Conversation]]
:: The Conversation [Intro Discord] {"position":"25,150","size":"100,200"}
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: trans egg culture, chat actions in asterisks, mild panic, lighthearted furry shaming]
(link:"➥ Continue", (text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)+(hover-style:(text-style:"Underline")))[==\
(enchant: ?sunny, (text-colour:yellow))\
(enchant: ?goth, (text-colour:#f5376a)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?text, (t8n:"fade-up"))\
(link-replace:"...so yeah I'm trans.")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
So yeah I'm trans.
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==YOOOOOOO
But also
Bruh
It took you this long to realize
Holy shit.
(link-replace:"Not everybody is as good at figuring out their gender like you dickweed 😒")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
Not everybody could tell they were trans at eight like you dickweed 😒
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Come on
I called you sis like every single day in high school
You were literally the last one to know
(link-replace:"What about a depressed boy with chronic headphone disease and baggy clothes screamed \"girl\" to you? 🙄")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
What about a depressed boy with chronic headphone disease and baggy clothes screamed "girl" to you 🙄
(link-reveal:"Plus, I thought you were calling me \"cis\"")[==, the same way gay men call straight people "breeders".
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Okay first
Ew
I would never call somebody cis the same way a cisgay man would call somebody breeder
Second
Never say breeder again
Third
literally everything you just said screams girl to me
Plus my transdar is pretty good
I know TONS about identity stuff
(link-replace:"Whatever you say furry 🙄")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
Whatever you say furry 🙄
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Excuse me
I'm a crow
Not a furry.
And I'm otherkin
Big difference
(link-replace:"You get furry art, done by furry artists. Pretty sure that makes you a furry! 😛")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
You get furry art, drawn by furry artists, pretty sure that makes you a furry 😛
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==And you're not?
(link-replace:"Not anymore, I grew outta that. 😇")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
Not anymore, I grew outta that 😇
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==*sigh*
Too old for head pats and junk too?
(link-replace:"Oh, uh, no... I'd still like your headpats ;>_>")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
Oh, uh, no... I'd still like your headpats ;>_>
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Yesssss
//petpetpets//
(link:"Goddamn it I'm a trans stereotype aren't I? /)///(\\")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
Goddamn it I'm a trans stereotype aren't I? /)///(\\
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Seems so
You like headpats just as much as any trans catgirl
(link:"Hey! Look! If anything I'm a doggirl 😤")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
Hey! Look! If anything I'm doggirl 😤
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Oh yes
little miss "Gold the Wolfhound"
You had such adorable ears back then...
(link:"//(Too bad I threw them out years ago)//")[==\
|text>[==I wanna rub them again!
*pinches your fluffy yellow ear*
(link:"//(What are you doing?)//")[==|text>[==*fingers on the inside*
(link:"//(Okay?)//")[==|text>[==*thumb on the outside*
(link:"//(Wh...)//")[==|text>[==*and rubs circles on your fluffy (text-style:"shudder")[[➥ puppy->Freakout]] ear*
:: Freakout [Intro] {"position":"150,200","size":"100,100"}
(align:"=><=")+(Box:"X", 50)[==
(link:"WHAT?!?", (css: "font-size: 300%; font-style: bold;")+(text-rotate-z:2)+(t8n:"rumble"))[==
(link:"I... I could //feel// their fingers on my fluffy ear", (text-rotate-z:357))[==\
(link:"Wait, //my// fluffy ear?", (text-rotate-z:17))[==
(link:"How can I feel fluffy ears on top of my head?", (text-rotate-z:350))[==\
(link:"They're not //real//!", (text-rotate-z:15))[==
(link:"But it feels more real than my ACTUAL ear!", (text-rotate-z:350))[==\
(link:"Stop. Breathe.")[==\
(link:"Calm down.")[==\
(link:"It's only a figment of my imagination.")[==\
(link:"BUT WHY CAN'T I CATCH MY BREATH???", (text-rotate-z:350)+(t8n:"rumble")+(text-size:2))[==
(link:"Why is my heart racing?", (text-rotate-z:10)+(t8n:"rumble"))[==
[[➥ WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?->The Conversation Pt. 2]]
:: The Conversation Pt. 2 [Intro Discord] {"position":"275,150","size":"100,200"}
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: trans egg culture, chat actions in asterisks, mild panic, lighthearted furry shaming]
(enchant: ?sunny, (text-colour:yellow))\
(enchant: ?goth, (text-colour:#f5376a)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?text, (t8n:"fade-up"))\
|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==What
I was just giving earrubs
(link-replace:"MY HEART IS FUCKING RACING")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
MY HEART IS FUCKING RACING
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Uh you okay sis?
(link-replace:"I COULD FEEL THAT")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
I COULD FEEL THAT
(link-reveal:"I COULD FEEL YOU RUBBING MY EAR")[==
(link-reveal:"I COULD FEEL IT **ON TOP OF MY HEAD**")[==
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Wha
Oh
*Oh*
(link-replace:"WHAT")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
WHAT
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==YOOOOOOOOOOO
(link-replace:"THE FUCK")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
THE FUCK
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==AAAAAAAAAAAA
(link-replace:"IS GOING ON???")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
IS GOING ON???
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==BRUH
LIKE PHANTOMS??????
(link-replace:"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT FUCKING MEANS?!?!")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT FUCKING MEANS?!?!
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==uh
ok ok ok
so
(link-replace:"SO?")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
SO?
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==I think you had phantom sensations
They're when you can feel parts of you that aren't physically there
You know Phantom Limb?
(link-replace:"Yeah?")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
Yeah?
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Yeah it's like that
So what kinda thing has fluffy ears?
(link-replace:"I don't know? A dog?")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
I don't know? A dog? Like my old fursona?
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Mhm
(link-replace:"This still doesn't explain why I felt dog ears???")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
That still doesn't explain why I felt dog ears???
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Why would a crow feel a beak on their face?
(link-replace:"What")[==|sunny>[Sunny Flower (She/Her)]
What
(link-reveal:"you're")[==
(link-reveal:"Oh")[==
(link-replace:"//Oh//")[==''//Oh//''
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==MHM!
[[➥ ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME...->I'm a Dog?]]
:: I'm a Dog? [Realizations Title] {"position":"25,425","size":"100,100"}
(align:"=><=")+(box:"X")[#I'm a Dog?]
So I've kinda always had a hard time [[➥ understanding myself->Identity Issues]]
:: Identity Issues [Realizations] {"position":"150,425","size":"100,100"}
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: trans discovery, simplified trans narrative]
(link:"➥ Continue", (text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)+(hover-style:(text-style:"Underline")))[==\
My difficulty processing and understanding myself is a chronic and dire issue. Like even figuring out my gender was a long and drawn out process. For the longest time as a kid I didn't really "get" gender and just kinda ignored it and did my own thing.
(link-reveal:"At least until the world wouldn't let me.")[==
(link-reveal:"But I guess in some ways I had some //no signs™// moments back when I was a kid.")[== I liked being friends with girls more than boys. I was envious of girl's clothes. Heck, I even fantasized about being a girl in a few embarrassing private moments.
(link-reveal:"But I never listened to those signs.")[== Heck, only a couple years ago I saw solid and undeniable proof I could be a hot and attractive trans woman. I even said, in that moment, "//I// could look like that," before trying to bury those feelings deep. I fought hard against that first crack in my egg - it took over a year before I came to accept it.
(link-reveal:"Accepting I'm a dog felt even harder.")[== I could grasp and map myself onto a feminine body. A feminine **human** body. But a dog was a whole different ballpark. Like, I don't even know what having a tail feels like; or what it would be like to have floppy ears. (link-reveal:"Let alone acting or looking more like a dog.")[==
I can't exactly get acceptance and permission from others to act more like a dog. Let alone give it to myself.
Plus, unlike my gender, (link-reveal:"there were genuinely no signs!")[== [[Well, except maybe my fursona...->High School]]
:: High School [Realizations High-School] {"position":"150,550","size":"100,100"}
(change: ?page, (t8n: "blur"))\
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: trans discovery, simplified trans narrative]
I'm underneath the stairwell, the perfect space for hiding along with all of my other friends who didn't like to be seen.
(link-reveal:"I was ignoring Goth as usual,")[== who was recruiting us to watch the new Gundam series by showing off how cool the new mech designs were. I never really cared for mechanical designs; so my selectively deaf ears did their best to make their propaganda futile.
Instead, I actually found my attention (link-reveal:"drifting towards Paige.")[== I... kinda had a crush on her. In retrospect, it was clearly a "I want to be her" crush. But then again, I still get crushes on artsy and nerdy types. You bet she was both too, considering she was the furry of the group.
(link-reveal:"I managed to gather the courage to Approach Paige.")[== It was uncharacteristic of me, especially back then. I was always anxious around people, doubly so around those I liked.
(link-reveal:"\"So, what are you working on?\"")[== I asked her. My crush immediately started to ramble about her new mouse OC that she was drawing; and elaborated on an adventure that this new sketch was a snapshot of. I listened and nodded intently, trying to make mental notes of each detail, as if I was going to be quizzed about them later.
Then suddenly she asked, [[➥ "What's your fursona?"->What's your fursona?]]
:: What's your fursona? [Realizations High-School] {"position":"150,650","size":"100,100"}
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: trans discovery, simplified trans narrative]
"What's your fursona?" Paige asked.
(link-replace:"\"Uh what?\"")[=="Oh, uh, no I don't have one..."
"Let's make you one! What's your favorite animal?"
(link-replace:"\"Oh! I like dogs!\"", (text-colour:yellow))[==\
(link-replace:"\"Wait, dogs sound boring. Uh, what sounds sound cooler...\"", (t8n:"fade-down"))[==\
"Um... Wolf dogs are pretty alright."
"Oh, that makes sense! What dog breed are they? Besides wolf."
(link-replace:"\"Actually! A golden retriever sounds better!\"", (text-colour:yellow))[==(link-replace:"\"Nah, she'll think I'm childish if I say a goldie...\"", (transition:"shudder"))[==An Irish Wolfhound sounds like it would be cool. 'Those who hunt monsters' and all that."
"Ooh! What does he look like?"
(link-replace:"\"//She// would be a cute and fluffy little doggy with long hair!\"", (text-colour:yellow))[==(link-replace:"\"No, I'll sound like a perv if I say that.\"", (transition:"shudder"))[=="Tall, skinny, maybe looks a bit like a bounty hunter? Like Han Solo meets Sephiroth meets Geralt. And... blonde fur and long brown hair."
[[➥ "Okay! I'll draw him up real quick!"->the Wolfhound]]
:: the Wolfhound [Realizations High-School] {"position":"150,750","size":"100,100"}
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: trans discovery, simplified trans narrative]
Soon enough, (link-reveal:"she came back with a sketch.")[==
It was exactly what I wanted, a competent drawing of a lithe and athletic wolfhound. Clad in a black leather jacket, and wielding a sword. I shouldn't have cared about it; I wasn't even a furry. (link-replace:"But...")[==(link-reveal:"But there was something about the sketch...")[==
The androgynous look, the long hair tied back into a ponytail, and how feral they seemed. It made me smile in a genuine way that I couldn't back then. (link-reveal:"I...")[==
(link-reveal:"I was proud of it.", (text-color:"#c9ad7d"))[== Proud that I received a gift from my crush. I excitedly went up and showed Goth. Who immediately asked, (link-reveal:"\"What's their name?\"")[==
(link-replace:"Gold.", (text-color:"#c9ad7d"))[==(link-reveal:"Gold, the Wolfhound")[==
"Yo, they sound like an edgelord dude. You hiding some edge sis?" Goth joked. I didn't reply. Something like shame started boiling viscerally inside me.
I hid that sketch in my locker. But as time went on I slowly became more ashamed of it. Being a furry is childish; it's better and more mature (link-reveal:"to accept reality than fantasy...")[== (link-replace:"But...")[==But I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it, even though I couldn't look at it either.
So instead I hid it away, leaving it sandwiched between unimportant documents in a yellow binder. An attempt to forget about it...
(transition-depart:"instant")[[➥ ...years later->Return to the Park]]
:: Return to the Park [Realizations Park] {"position":"275,425","size":"100,100"}
(change: ?page, (transition:"blur")+(t8n-time:2s))\
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: insecurities of identity and self-invalidation, references to misgendering]
(link:"➥ Continue", (text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)+(hover-style:(text-style:"Underline")))[==\
It's been a rough couple of weeks since Goth made me aware of the term (link-repeat:"therian")[(dialog:"Someone who identifies with another animal species from earth.")]. Since then, I've been trying to explore what (link-reveal:"being a dog means to me.")[==
The rustling plants make my floppy ears twitch, and earthy smells seem to tug gently at my snout. I can't touch them, but for some reason I can't help but feel my doglike features' presence -Sometimes they feel even more **there** than my human features.
Likewise another consequence is that I've been visiting the park more often. After all, dogs love going to the park. I guess I do too, since I feel my (text-style:"sway")[tail] wagging.
Another Golden Retriever passes by me without incident. As is ritual, I can't help but chant a painful refrain, "they'll never realize that (link-replace:"I'm a dog too...\"")[==I'm a dog too."
On this occasion though, a question sneaks into my head; "if I'm a dog then (link-reveal:"what does it mean to be a dog?\"")[==
Well, there's the physical features of a dog: tails, ears, a muzzle, paws. None of which I actually have... What about the actions of a dog? Should I pant and walk on all fours? What about the thoughts of a dog? Is it even possible to think like one? All these questions make me wonder, (link-reveal:"\"How the heck am I a dog...\"")[==
(link-reveal:"\"I'm just a human.\"")[==
Somehow the admission stings. Just like if I was called a man. I try to pull my attention elsewhere in self-preservation. I close my eyes and focus on what makes me inhuman, [[my phantoms.->Puppy Phantoms]]
:: Puppy Phantoms
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: insecurities of identity and self-invalidation, references to misgendering]
(link-reveal:"I can see... ")[==
(link-reveal:"fuzzy and floppy blonde ears... ")[==(link-reveal:"A medium length muzzle... ")[==(link-reveal:"and a tail covered in long fur... ")[==(link-reveal:"and a plump and stout body covered in curves...")[==
[[I open my eyes.->I think I'm a...]]
:: I think I'm a... [Realizations Park]
(change: ?page, (transition:"dissolve"))\
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: insecurities of identity and self-invalidation, references to misgendering]
I look back at the dog I passed.
It has fuzzy and floppy blonde ears, a medium length muzzle, and a tail covered in long fur.
(link-reveal:"Huh")[==. I think I'm a [[➥ Golden Retriever.->Welcome to the Undead Frog Midnight Society]]
:: Welcome to the Undead Frog Midnight Society [Realizations Discord] {"position":"399,424","size":"100,200"}
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: social anxiety, internal conflict, social panic]
(link:"➥ Continue", (text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)+(hover-style:(text-style:"Underline")))[==\
(enchant: ?sunny, (text-colour:yellow))\
(enchant: ?goth, (text-colour:#f5376a)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?radiant, (text-colour:#6fb04f)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?penumbra, (text-colour:#c6ced9)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?twilight, (text-colour:#c6ced9)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?dog, (text-colour:#ae6113)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?text, (t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?radianttext, (t8n:"fade-up"))\
(link:"Alright, time to see what non-human folks are like...")[==|sunny>[SunnyFlower]
Um... hello!
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==YOOOO
Welcome (text-colour:blue)[@SunnyFlower] to the Undead Frog Midnight Society!
(link-replace:"Oh, uh, hi let me change my nickname here...")[==|sunny>[SunnyFlower]
Oh, uh, hi let me change my nickname here...
|radiant>[⚧☣ ｒａｄｉａｎｔ☣⚧]
|radianttext>[welcome \^\^]
|penumbra>[Penumbra | Light System]
|text>[==AMG is this the puppy? :3
Hiii puppy!
(link-replace:"Oh, uh, I guess I have a reputation already? 😅")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Oh, uh, I guess I have a reputation already? 😅
(link-reveal:"Hi Radiant and Penumbra, hope we can be friends!")[==
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Yaaaaaa kinda got excited
Might've told some folks I cracked an egg...
(link-replace:"Uh? Egg?")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Uh? Egg?
(link-reveal:"I was trans before we reconnected. 😅")[==
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Nonhuman egg silly :p
|dog>[I'm 🐶!]
|text>[==PUBBY!!! 😍
Omg!! Another doggo!!!
What kinda woofer are you?
(link-replace:"Oh, I'm an Irish Wolfhound.", (text-color:"#c9ad7d"))[==(link-replace:"Wait.", (t8n:"shudder"))[==(link-replace:"I'm a Golden Retriever now.")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Oh, I'm a Golden Retriever! 😊
|dog>[I'm 🐶!]
|text>[==OH! Goldie! Goldies are real good! 💛💛
I'm a Corgi! 😊
|penumbra>[Penumbra | Light System]
|text>[==I'm void kitty! :3
|radiant>[⚧☣ ｒａｄｉａｎｔ☣⚧]
|radianttext>[im whatever i feel like
right now im an octopus]
|penumbra>[Penumbra | Light System]
|text>[==Gots any arts of ya?
(link-replace:"Yeah, but it's pretty old...", (text-color:"#c9ad7d"))[==(link-replace:"No.", (t8n:"shudder"))[==(link-replace:"That isn't me anymore.", (align:"==>"))[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Not yet, I just figured out my dogginess so still figuring out what I look like! 😅
|dog>[I'm 🐶!]
|text>[==Well, can I help puppy? What about your fur? What colour and length?
(link-replace:"Light blonde, shaggy, and wiry.", (text-color:"#c9ad7d"))[==(link-replace:"???", (t8n:"shudder"))[==(link-replace:"It's gold and pretty long and fluffy!")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
It's gold and pretty long and fluffy!
|dog>[I'm 🐶!]
|text>[==Kk! What about hair?
(link-replace:"Oh, long and brown. Tied up in a ponytail.", (text-color:"#c9ad7d"))[==(link-replace:"*No!*", (t8n:"shudder"))[==(link-replace:"It's beautiful and brown and goes down my back!")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
It's long and brown, and flows down my back!
|dog>[I'm 🐶!]
|text>[==Kk! What kinda clothes do you wear?
(link-replace:"Black leather. Band tees. Tight pants.", (text-color:"#c9ad7d"))[==(link-replace:"//I// wear cute dresses and hats!", (t8n:"shudder"))[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Sundresses and adorable hats!
|dog>[I'm 🐶!]
|text>[==Oh! You're a very cute puppygirl!
Sound a lot like me tbh! (UᵔᴥᵔU)
(link-replace:"//(Great, now they think I'm a child)//")[==|penumbra>[Penumbra | Light System]
|text>[==Can I pet cute puppy? :3c
(link-replace:"//(I'm not cringe!! I'm finally being who I wanted to be! Instead of what I think everybody else wants!)//")[==|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Hey Penny
she likes to be pet on her ears :P
(link-replace:"//(What would somebody say if they saw me right now?)//")[==|radiant>[⚧☣ ｒａｄｉａｎｔ☣⚧]
|radianttext>[//reaches out a tentacle to offer pets//]
(link-replace:"//(I'm around 'somebodies' and they like me and think I'm a cute puppygirl!)//")[==|dog>[I'm 🐶!]
|text>[==//also offers ear rubs!//
(link-replace:"//(BUT I'M A WOLF!)//", (text-color:"#c9ad7d")+(t8n:"shudder"))[==|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Sunny?
(link-replace:"//(I'm-wait, What???)//")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
sorry
(link-replace:"//(I'm puppy!)//")[==I have to go.
[[➥ I'm puppy... Right?->Remembering]]
:: Remembering [Realizations] {"position":"275,550","size":"100,100"}
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: social anxiety, internal conflict, social panic]
I'm a puppy. Not a wolf. Why did I call myself a wolf? It was a facade... someone who isn't me, someplace to hide.
[[I don't need to be a wolf anymore...->Confrontation]]
:: Confrontation [Realizations Park] {"position":"275,675","size":"100,100"}
(change: ?page, (transition:"blur")+(t8n-time:2s))\
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: social anxiety, social panic, self-directed transphobia, self-invalidation]
(link:"➥ Continue", (text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)+(hover-style:(text-style:"Underline")))[==\
"I'm a Golden Retriever, right?" I ask myself in one of my daily walks around the park. It's been good for contemplating and thinking, but I haven't been able to process what happened in the Midnight Society any further. (link-reveal:"Maybe I should just try and drop it...")[==
Instead I focus on how far I've come. How warm and happy it feels to be a dog. How validating it feels to be called one, and treated like one instead of—
(link-reveal:"A human.")[==
There's a human coming towards me, clearly looking and walking in my direction. Being seen so plainly and suddenly makes me aware of what I look like, how I feel like... well, a man in a dress and lipstick, skipping like a child. (link-reveal:"But most of all, a human")[==
My anxiety and dysphoria grows as I try to rush forwards. Trying my hardest to ignore the manifestation of judgment walking towards me.
I try focusing on questions I've been asking myself. What kind of dog am I? What do I look like? But... *that* human keeps distracting me. I keep asking; (link-reveal:"\"what if they knew what I was thinking about?\"")[==
I ignore them further. I want to figure out how to be a better dog. I can do that by focusing inward. I can focus on myself better if I [[close my eyes.->Wolfy Phantoms]]
:: Wolfy Phantoms {"position":"375,675","size":"100,100"}
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: social anxiety, social panic, self-directed transphobia, self-invalidation]
(link-reveal:"I can see... ")[==
(link-reveal:"A long muzzle... ")[==(link-reveal:"and a skinny tail covered in wiry hair... ")[==(link-reveal:"I feel very lean and very tall...")[==(link-reveal:"and I have wiry and semi-rigid blonde ears... ")[==
(link-reveal:"that hear footsteps getting closer")[==
[[I open my eyes.->Feral]]
:: Feral [Realizations Park] {"position":"475,675","size":"100,100"}
(change: ?page, (t8n:"rumble"))\
(box:"X")+(align:"=><=")+(css:"max-width:none;width: calc(100% - 2em);")[
(link:"THE HUMAN IS CLOSE", (text-size:3))[==\
(link:"SHIT", (text-style:"fidget")+(text-size:3))[==\
(link:"10 feet away", (text-style:"fidget")+(text-size:3))[==\
(link:"I walk faster", (text-style:"fidget")+(text-size:3))[==\
(link:"Can they see my stubble?", (text-style:"fidget")+(text-size:3))[==\
(link:"Fuck", (text-style:"fidget")+(text-size:3))[==\
(link:"I have to get away!", (text-style:"fidget")+(text-size:3))[==\
(link:"Oh gods they're right next to me.",(text-size:3))[==\
(link:"...",(text-size:3))[==\
(link:"They're behind me.",(text-size:2))[==\
(link:"...",(text-size:1.5))[==\
(transition-depart:"instant")+(transition-arrive:"instant")[["They're gone."]]]
:: "They're gone." [Realizations Park] {"position":"575,675","size":"100,100"}
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: social anxiety, social panic, self-directed transphobia, self-invalidation]
I release an unconscious sigh, as well as the tension in my shoulders. I... finally feel safe as I'm alone once again. I stop, and calm my nerves.
(link-reveal: "Why did I look like that?")[==
I focus on my breathing, on my pulse, on my phantoms.
Once again, I find my form is a golden retriever.
(transition-depart:"blur")+(transition-arrive:"blur")[[➥ Okay, I'm definitely a Golden Retriever->Two Forms]]
:: Two Forms [Realizations] {"position":"525,525","size":"100,100"}
(change: ?page, (t8n-time:2s))\
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: social anxiety, social panic, self-directed transphobia, self-invalidation]
(link-reveal:"That freakout in the park,")[== it feels significant. I forgot about it at first, but feeling that wolf-like form feels meaningful now. Question is though, what the hell *is* that significance?
I needed to ask some questions to figure out what the hell is happening; why am I both a puppy and a wolf?
[[Back to the only experts I knew->Questions for Frogs]]
:: Questions for Frogs [Realizations Discord] {"position":"650,425","size":"100,200"}
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: dissociation]
(link:"➥ Continue", (text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)+(hover-style:(text-style:"Underline")))[==\
(enchant: ?sunny, (text-colour:yellow))\
(enchant: ?goth, (text-colour:#f5376a)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?radiant, (text-colour:#6fb04f)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?penumbra, (text-colour:#c6ced9)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?twilight, (text-colour:#c6ced9)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?dog, (text-colour:#ae6113)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?text, (t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?radianttext, (t8n:"fade-up"))\
(link-replace:"Hey guys...")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Hey guys...
(link-reveal:"Sorry for leaving suddenly...")[==
(link-reveal:"Had a bit of a moment there...")[==
|dog>[I'm 🐶!]
|text>[==It's okay!
Um... were we being too much? ૮´･ﻌ･`;ა
(link-replace:"Not at all!")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Not at all!
(link-reveal:"Just...")[==
(link-reveal:"Something strange happened before")[==
(link-reveal:"Um...")[==
(link-reveal:"So... is it possible to have your form... like, change sometimes?")[==
|radiant>[⚧☣ ｒａｄｉａｎｔ☣⚧]
|radianttext>[i have many forms
as a shapeshifter does]
(link-replace:"Oh sorry... um, not like that...")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Oh, sorry... um, not like that... I guess it's more like... I have two specific and different forms?
|radiant>[⚧☣ ｒａｄｉａｎｔ☣⚧]
|radianttext>[what are these forms?]
(link-replace:"There's the Golden Retriever...")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
There's the golden retriever form I described to y'all before
(link-replace:"But also...")[==But also, there have been kinda glimpses of... a wolf?
|dog>[I'm 🐶!]
|text>[==Oh, like a wolfdog?
But why do you feel like you have two forms?
(link-replace:"\nMaybe?")[==\
|text>[==Also why do you think it's two separate forms?
|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Maybe? I don't know to be honest...
(link-reveal:"Oh, um")[==
(link-reveal:"just...")[== it's weird but when I was describing my form it felt like I was fighting with myself?
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Wait.
Wait
Fighting yourself?
How?
(link-replace:"Like, I had intrusive thoughts...")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Like, I had intrusive thoughts. Like part of me was trying to describe a wolflike form; and got upset when I was describing myself...
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Oh damn
Okay
Uh (text-colour:blue)[@Light System] I think you need to help here
|penumbra>[Penumbra | Light System]
|text>[==Hihi!
What up?
|dog>[I'm 🐶!]
|text>[==Our new puppy friend has an issue with a second doggy inside them making things rough :(
|penumbra>[Penumbra | Light System]
|text>[==Oh! Oh. Okies twi should help her then
(link:"//(Uh... twi?)//")[==\
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==Hello.
It is a pleasure to finally meet Sunny.
I just wish that we met under better circumstances.
But regardless, it seems that you are in need of help for a tricky situation.
(link-replace:"Um Hi?")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Um Hi? Sorry who are you?
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==I am a friend. Penumbra has stepped away so that I can talk instead.
(link-replace:"So, um, like a friend of Penny's?")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
|text>[==So, um, like a friend of Penny's? Is that why you have "Light System" at the end of your name?
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==More akin to family, but that's an accurate enough way to describe our system tag.
Before I explain I would like to ask about this wolf you mentioned.
Has it ever talked?
(link-replace:"//(It?)//")[==(link-replace:"Oh um... Not really. Just those intrusive thoughts.")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Not really. Just those intrusive thoughts.
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==Can you give an example of what these intrusive thoughts sounded like?
(link-replace:"Hm... it answered questions before me...")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Hm... it answered questions before me. But I corrected myself immediately afterwards.
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==What sort of questions were these?
(link-replace:"Questions about what I looked like...")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Questions about what I looked like. When 🐶 asked questions about my form, the wolf would answer them first. And it got more upset as I corrected myself.
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==Why do you think it's a wolf?
(link-replace:"Because they said so earlier")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Because they said so earlier. But the weird thing, was when I was asked about my breed, it said "irish wolfhound" in my head before I could think about my actual breed.
(link-reveal:"But also...")[==
(link-replace:"I had a wolfhound fursona...")[==I had a wolfhound fursona back in high school.
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Wait
What was your fursona again?
The edgelord one
(link-replace:"Gold.")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Gold.
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Gods
That edgy sona was so outta character for ya sis
Sorry I'll stop distracting
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==Have you ever "felt" like this wolfhound?
(link-replace:"Um... not sure what you mean.")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Um... not sure what you mean.
(link-reveal:"But...")[== the closest to that sounds like that was I had a bit of a panic attack and my phantoms felt more like the wolfhounds... but I haven't had anything like that since.
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==Interesting. One more thing. Have you talked to this wolfhound?
(link-replace:"//(Talk?)//")[==(link-replace:"No")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
No. Not exactly. Just, correcting it's answers to these questions.
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==Hm.
And it didn't talk back?
(link-replace:"//(What?)//")[==(link-replace:"Not really...")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Not really...
(link-reveal:"So what is up with me?")[==
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==To put it simply, you have two forms and you have some anxiety.
I have known some who have multiple concrete forms. Unlike radiant, who shifts fluidly between forms. Some even use these forms as a shield or coping mechanism.
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==So not a plural thing?
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==Not from what I can see.
(link-replace:"Plural?")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Plural?
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==Sorry. I should explain.
Are you familiar with Disassociative Identity Disorder; or maybe you've heard some media call it "Multiple Personalities"?
(link-replace:"Um yes?")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Um yes?
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==Plurality is an umbrella term for similar situations. Where more than one individual with agency exists within the same body. Which is called a "system".
Penumbra and myself are one such example. She is a close friend and a person whom I consider a kind of family.
I had a suspicion that you might be plural as well. However as it stands there is not enough to evidence this.
(link-replace:"So what is it then???")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
So what is it then???
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==You said you inhabited your wolfhound form when you were scared. Right?
(link-replace:"Mhm")[==|sunny>[Sunny the Puppy (she/her)]
Mhm
|goth>[AbandonedMallGoth]
|text>[==Weird thing though
What if it's their old fursona?
|twilight>[Twilight | Light System]
|text>[==Still.
I do not think that Sunny is plural.
They haven't talked and likewise the wolf has not shown agency.
She was anxious when she joined, and that got expressed in her form.
[[➥ So I'm just a wolfhound sometimes?->Puppy in the Park]]
:: Puppy in the Park [Realizations Park] {"position":"775,425","size":"100,100"}
(change: ?page, (transition:"dissolve")+(t8n-time:2s))\
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: bathrooms, fear of transphobia, self-directed transphobia and misgendering]
(link:"➥ Continue", (text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)+(hover-style:(text-style:"Underline")))[==\
(link-reveal:"\"So... I'm just a wolfhound sometimes,\"")[== the thought keeps nagging at me as I circle the park once again...
It's been unsatisfying. Just having this part of me that's caused distress to be just a coping mechanism.
But on the other hand it means I'm flexible with who I am! Some days I can feel like a cute fluffy puppy! But other days I'm a big strong wolf who can protect herself from (link-reveal:"the world!")[==
Focusing on that last word reminds me, to once again meditate on the world as I walk through the park...
(link-reveal:"I smell the dirt and perfume of the plants... ")[==(link-reveal:"I hear the leaves dancing and the birds singing... ")[==(link-reveal:"I feel the dirt and gravel shift under my paws... ")[==And I feel my ears, twitching with sounds, my (text-style:"sway")[tail swaying] with each step, and my muzzle on the front of my face.
All of them golden and fluffy...
I haven't felt the wolfhound form, or heard it talk, in the days since I talked with Twilight. Another aspect of that anti-climax. I suppose that I haven't needed a strong form as I have gotten more comfortable in my skin. Likewise I haven't felt as anxious or scared since either...
(link-reveal:"Since I'm a happy little puppy after all!")[==
Talking to the Midnight Society has made it more comfortable to embrace aspects of myself. I've picked up mannerisms from 🐶, and have gotten lots of validating headpats and belly rubs from the group there!
I've even ordered a set of ears and a collar to help me feel more like a puppy in my body!
At the moment though, I'm just pretending to be human. (link-reveal:"I'm doing a pretty dang good job looking the part too!")[==
Talking to the Midnight Society has helped a lot with my transition and presentation. I learned a lot about makeup from Twilight and company. 🐶 helped with finding flattering clothes that make me look like I actually have curves. I feel like I'm no longer flailing trying to look like a woman.
A thought strikes me when (link-reveal:"I see a bathroom up ahead.")[== "I feel amazing! I look amazing! I think I can do it. (t8n-depart:"instant")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[➥ "I'm finally going to use the ladies room!"->the Bathroom]]
:: the Bathroom [Realizations Bathroom] {"position":"775,525","size":"100,100"}
(change: ?page, (transition:"dissolve"))\
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: bathrooms, fear of transphobia, self-directed transphobia and misgendering]
(link-reveal:"I step inside...")[==
(link-replace:"It's...")[==It's surprisingly normal. Just... a lot more stalls. And a lot more... (link-reveal:"tense.")[==
My enthusiasm is replaced with (link-repeat:"anxiety")[(dialog:"I don't belong here")]. I silently glide towards the nearest stall, and (link-repeat:"hide inside")[(dialog:"What if somebody comes in and harasses me?")]. I just try to do my business quickly. Get in, get out. (link-repeat:"Be done with this ASAP.")[(dialog:"Oh god they're gonna see I'm a man can't they?")]
(link:"I hear footsteps.")[==(dialog:"Oh fuck somebody's coming in here.")\
(link:"They're coming towards the stalls.")[==(dialog:"I can't do this! This was a bad fucking idea!")\
(link:"My breathing grows faster")[==(dialog:"Oh shit oh fuck oh shit oh fuck") [["I don't want to be here"->"I'll take over"]]
:: "I'll take over" [Realizations Bathroom] {"position":"775,625","size":"100,100"}
(link:"\"I'll take over\"", (align:"=><=")+(box:"X")+(text-size:3)+(text-color:"#c9ad7d")+(css:"max-width:none;width: calc(100% - 2em);"))[== \
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: bathrooms, fear of transphobia, self-directed transphobia and misgendering]
It all goes quiet. The thoughts, the anxiety, the panic.
(link-reveal:"Until a nearby stall door slams shut")[==
I sink into the toilet, calming as (link-reveal:"I ground myself.")[==
(link:"I smell the lemon-scented disinfectant lingering on the tiles... ")[==(link:"I hear the steady drip of a leaking faucet...")[==(link:"I feel my claws gripping my leg...")[==And I feel my ears standing alert, my tail curling around my leg, and my muzzle bearing fangs.
All covered in wiry hair, hanging off of a lanky and very tall body.
(link-reveal:"I'm a wolfhound.")[== I'm strong. I'm brave. This intruder is trespassing here, but I shall wait until (link-reveal:"we are safe.")[==
(link:"Water runs")[==(link:"A door clatters closed.")[==(link:"A faucet squeaks and stops.")[==(link:"Footsteps clack out of earshot.")[==(link:"And I am alone once more.")[==\
I don't even give myself time to think, quickly finishing up and washing my hands before anybody else has a chance to sneak up on me. (t8n-depart:"instant")+(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[➥ Then leaving.->Return Home]]
:: Return Home [Realizations Park] {"position":"775,725","size":"100,100"}
(change: ?page, (transition:"dissolve"))\
(text-color:grey)+(text-size:0.75)[Content warnings: bathrooms, fear of transphobia, self-directed transphobia and misgendering]
The second I return to the safety of the park, I nearly collapse. I am drained and exhausted by that aborted panic attack. I use the last ounces of my energy to force myself back home, retreating to my den to pass out and recover. But still as I walk I can't help but notice, my ears are floppy and I don't feel as tall or strong. But still I think about those words.
(link-reveal:"\"I'll take over\"")[==
[[➥ Because I definitely didn't say that.->Who am I?]]
:: Who am I? [Unification Discord] {"position":"450,50","size":"100,100"}
(enchant: ?sunny, (text-colour:yellow))\
(enchant: ?goth, (text-colour:#f5376a)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?radiant, (text-colour:#6fb04f)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\
(enchant: ?penumbra, (text-colour:#c6ced9)+(t8n:"fade-up"))\