+ It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through this great town, or travel + in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabbin-doors crowded + with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all + in rags, and importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers, instead of + being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their + time in stroling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants who, as they grow + up, either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country, + to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes. +
+ ++ I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number of children in + the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of + their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom, a very great + additional grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and + easy method of making these children sound and useful members of the + commonwealth, would deserve so well of the publick, as to have his statue set + up for a preserver of the nation. +
+ ++ But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the + children of professed beggars: it is of a much greater extent, and shall take + in the whole number of infants at a certain age, who are born of parents in + effect as little able to support them, as those who demand our charity in the + streets. +
+ ++ As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years upon this + important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of our projectors, + I have always found them grossly mistaken in their computation. It is true, a + child just dropt from its dam, may be supported by her milk, for a solar year, + with little other nourishment: at most not above the value of two shillings, + which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful + occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to + provide for them in such a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon their + parents, or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their + lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the feeding, and partly to + the clothing of many thousands. +
+ ++ There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will prevent + those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women murdering their + bastard children, alas! too frequent among us, sacrificing the poor innocent + babes, I doubt, more to avoid the expence than the shame, which would move + tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman breast. +
+ ++ The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million and a + half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousand couple, + whose wives are breeders; from which number I subtract thirty thousand couple, + who are able to maintain their own children, (although I apprehend there cannot + be so many under the present distresses of the kingdom) but this being + granted, there will remain a hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again + subtract fifty thousand, for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by + accident or disease within the year. There only remain a hundred and twenty + thousand children of poor parents annually born. The question therefore is, How + this number shall be reared and provided for? which, as I have already said, + under the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the + methods hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in handicraft or + agriculture; they neither build houses, (I mean in the country) nor cultivate + land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing till they arrive at + six years old; except where they are of towardly parts, although I confess they + learn the rudiments much earlier; during which time they can however be + properly looked upon only as probationers; as I have been informed by a + principal gentleman in the county of Cavan, who protested to me, that he never + knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of the + kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art. +
+ ++ I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl, before twelve years old, + is no saleable commodity, and even when they come to this age, they will not + yield above three pounds, or three pounds and half a crown at most, on the + exchange; which cannot turn to account either to the parents or kingdom, the + charge of nutriments and rags having been at least four times that value. +
+ ++ I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be + liable to the least objection. +
+ ++ I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, + that a young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious + nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I + make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricasee, or a ragoust. +
+ ++ I do therefore humbly offer it to publick consideration, that of the hundred + and twenty thousand children, already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved + for breed, whereof only one fourth part to be males; which is more than we + allow to sheep, black cattle, or swine, and my reason is, that these children + are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our + savages, therefore, one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the + remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in sale to the + persons of quality and fortune, through the kingdom, always advising the mother + to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump, and + fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for + friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a + reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good + boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter. +
+ ++ I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh 12 pounds, and + in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, encreaseth to 28 pounds. +
+ ++ I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for + landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have + the best title to the children. +
+ ++ Infant’s flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful + in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by a grave author, an + eminent French physician, that fish being a prolifick dyet, there are more + children born in Roman Catholick countries about nine months after Lent, + than at any other season; therefore, reckoning a year after Lent, the + markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of Popish infants, + is at least three to one in this kingdom, and therefore it will have one other + collateral advantage, by lessening the number of Papists among us. +
+ ++ I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar’s child (in which + list I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be + about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no gentleman would + repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I + have said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only + some particular friend, or his own family to dine with him. Thus the squire + will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants, the + mother will have eight shillings neat profit, and be fit for work till she + produces another child. +
+ ++ Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the + carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will make admirable gloves + for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen. +
+ ++ As to our City of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose, in the + most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not be + wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing + them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs. +
+ ++ A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose virtues I highly + esteem, was lately pleased in discoursing on this matter, to offer a refinement + upon my scheme. He said, that many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late + destroyed their deer, he conceived that the want of venison might be well + supplied by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen years + of age, nor under twelve; so great a number of both sexes in every county + being now ready to starve for want of work and service: and these to be + disposed of by their parents if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. + But with due deference to so excellent a friend, and so deserving a patriot, I + cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my American + acquaintance assured me from frequent experience, that their flesh was + generally tough and lean, like that of our schoolboys, by continual exercise, + and their taste disagreeable, and to fatten them would not answer the charge. + Then as to the females, it would, I think, with humble submission, be a loss to + the publick, because they soon would become breeders themselves: and besides, + it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to censure such a + practice, (although indeed very unjustly) as a little bordering upon cruelty, + which, I confess, hath always been with me the strongest objection against any + project, how well soever intended. +
+ ++ But in order to justify my friend, he confessed, that this expedient was put + into his head by the famous Psalmanaazor, a native of the island Formosa, who + came from thence to London, above twenty years ago, and in conversation told my + friend, that in his country, when any young person happened to be put to death, + the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality, as a prime dainty; and + that, in his time, the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for + an attempt to poison the Emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty’s + prime minister of state, and other great mandarins of the court in joints from + the gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same + use were made of several plump young girls in this town, who without one single + groat to their fortunes, cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appear at a + playhouse and assemblies in foreign fineries which they never will pay for, + the kingdom would not be the worse. +
+ ++ Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vast number + of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed; and I have been desired to + employ my thoughts what course may be taken, to ease the nation of so grievous + an incumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is + very well known, that they are every day dying, and rotting, by cold and + famine, and filth, and vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as to + the young labourers, they are now in almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot + get work, and consequently pine away from want of nourishment, to a degree, + that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labour, they have not + strength to perform it, and thus the country and themselves are happily + delivered from the evils to come. +
+ ++ I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. I think + the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well + as of the highest importance. +
+ ++ For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of + Papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the principal breeders of the + nation, as well as our most dangerous enemies, and who stay at home on purpose + with a design to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their + advantage by the absence of so many good Protestants, who have chosen rather to + leave their country, than stay at home and pay tithes against their conscience + to an episcopal curate. +
+ ++ Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their own, which + by law may be made liable to a distress, and help to pay their landlord’s + rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and money a thing unknown. +
+ ++ Thirdly, Whereas the maintainance of a hundred thousand children, from two + years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at less than ten shillings a piece + per annum, the nation’s stock will be thereby encreased fifty thousand + pounds per annum, besides the profit of a new dish, introduced to the tables of + all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom, who have any refinement in taste. And + the money will circulate among our selves, the goods being entirely of our own + growth and manufacture. +
+ ++ Fourthly, The constant breeders, besides the gain of eight shillings sterling + per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of the charge of + maintaining them after the first year. +
+ ++ Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns, where the + vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for + dressing it to perfection; and consequently have their houses frequented by all + the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good + eating; and a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will + contrive to make it as expensive as they please. +
+ ++ Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise nations + have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by laws and penalties. It would + encrease the care and tenderness of mothers towards their children, when they + were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by + the publick, to their annual profit instead of expence. We should soon see an + honest emulation among the married women, which of them could bring the fattest + child to the market. Men would become as fond of their wives, during the time + of their pregnancy, as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, + or sows when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is + too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage. +
+ ++ Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the addition of some + thousand carcasses in our exportation of barrel’d beef: the propagation + of swine’s flesh, and improvement in the art of making good bacon, so + much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our + tables; which are no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a well grown, + fat yearling child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at a + Lord Mayor’s feast, or any other publick entertainment. But this, and + many others, I omit, being studious of brevity. +
+ ++ Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be constant customers + for infants flesh, besides others who might have it at merry meetings, + particularly at weddings and christenings, I compute that Dublin would take off + annually about twenty thousand carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where + probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand. +
+ ++ I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised against this + proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number of people will be thereby + much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and was indeed one principal + design in offering it to the world. I desire the reader will observe, that I + calculate my remedy for this one individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no + other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon Earth. Therefore let no + man talk to me of other expedients: Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a + pound: Of using neither clothes, nor houshold furniture, except what is of our + own growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments + that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness of pride, vanity, + idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence + and temperance: Of learning to love our country, wherein we differ even from + Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Topinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and + factions, nor acting any longer like the Jews, who were murdering one another + at the very moment their city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell + our country and consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at least + one degree of mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit of + honesty, industry, and skill into our shopkeepers, who, if a resolution could + now be taken to buy only our native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and + exact upon us in the price, the measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet + be brought to make one fair proposal of just dealing, though often and + earnestly invited to it. +
+ ++ Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like expedients, + till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that there will ever be some hearty + and sincere attempt to put them into practice. +
+ ++ But, as to myself, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, + idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of success, I + fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly new, so it hath + something solid and real, of no expence and little trouble, full in our own + power, and whereby we can incur no danger in disobliging England. For this kind + of commodity will not bear exportation, and flesh being of too tender a + consistence, to admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name + a country, which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it. +
+ ++ After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion, as to reject any + offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, + easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be advanced in + contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or + authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, As things now + stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for a hundred thousand + useless mouths and backs. And secondly, There being a round million of + creatures in humane figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put + into a common stock, would leave them in debt two million of pounds sterling, + adding those who are beggars by profession, to the bulk of farmers, cottagers + and labourers, with their wives and children, who are beggars in effect; I + desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold to + attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these mortals, + whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have been sold + for food at a year old, in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided + such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as they have since gone through, by the + oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money or + trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to cover + them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable prospect of + intailing the like, or greater miseries, upon their breed for ever. +
+ ++ I profess in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal + interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive + than the publick good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for + infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no + children, by which I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine + years old, and my wife past child-bearing. +
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