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Airplane.txt
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AIRPLANE
Written by
Jim Abrahams, David Zucker & Jerry Zucker
SHOOTING SCRIPT
June 11, 1979
Revised 6/15/79
FADE IN:
EXT. SKY - JUST ABOVE CLOUDS - NIGHT
OMINOUS, THREATENING MUSIC. The upper tail fin of a jet
plane emerges through the cloud layer and PASSES THROUGH the
FRAME like a shark's fin through water. It passes by again
in the opposite direction. MUSIC BUILDS as the fin comes
straight TOWARD the CAMERA, MUSIC SWELLS to CRESCENDO as
entire jet plane lifts out of clouds and passes overhead.
TITLE SLASHES ACROSS SCREEN, "AIRPLANE!"
CREDITS and MUSIC continue over following.
EXT. AIRPORT - NIGHT (STOCK)
ESTABLISHING terminal building.
EXT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PASSENGER LOADING ZONE - NIGHT
Airport bus arrives. Stewardess ELAINE DICKINSON steps off.
CAMERA FOLLOWS Elaine as she walks to terminal building.
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
The white zone is for immediate loading
and unloading of passengers only. There is
no stopping in the red zone.
P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
The red zone is for immediate loading and
unloading of passengers. There is no
stopping in the white zone.
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
No. The white zone is for loading and
unloading, and there is no stopping in the
red zone.
P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
The red zone has always been for loading
and unloading, and there is never stopping
in a white zone.
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
Don't tell me which zone is for stopping
and which zone is for loading.
P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
Listen, Betty. Don't start up with your
white zone shit again!
Elaine enters terminal building.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
Elaine is approached by a religious ZEALOT #1.
ZEALOT #1
Hello, we'd like you to have this flower
from the Religious Consciousness Church.
ELAINE
No, but thank you very much.
Arrival-Departure TV monitors. Elaine approaches.
ELAINE'S POV - TV MONITORS
Reads: Flight 209 to Chicago - Depart Gate 89 - 7:25 p.m.
Arrival monitor is goldfish swimming.
BACK TO ELAINE
She checks her watch and walks past Security Check area.
CAMERA STAYS with a middle-aged couple, SHIRLEY and JACK,
waiting to pass through Security Check. Behind them is sign
reading: WARNING, HIJACKING IS A FEDERAL OFFENSE, etc.
SHIRLEY
Jack, isn't that Fred Bliffert over there
in the blue turtleneck? Maybe he's on our
flight to Chicago.
JACK
Yeah, I think he is.
(waves)
Hey, Fred!
FRED recognizes Jack.
FRED
(yelling)
Hi, Jack!!!
A swarm of police and airport security men descend on Fred
and take him away.
EXT. AIRPORT - PASSENGER LOADING ZONE - NIGHT
A limousine arrives. Two colorfully dressed BLACK DUDES
emerge. An extra pesters them. Two HARE KRISHNA'S arrive on
foot and walk toward terminal.
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
There's just no stopping in the white
zone.
P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
Christ, you're as bad as your mother!
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
Oh, really, Vernon! Why pretend? We both
know perfectly well what it is you're
talking about. You want me to have an
abortion.
P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
It's really the only sensible thing to do.
If it's done properly, therapeutically,
there's no danger involved.
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
Have you considered that what's inside me
is a human being; that it's alive. We made
love. It's us -- you and me.
P.A. SYSTER (male v.o.)
That isn't true. A fetus at this stage is
not a human being, nor is it a person.
Krishnas enter terminal building.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
The Krishnas are approached by the Religious Zealot.
ZEALOT #2
Hello, we'd like you to have this flower
from the Church of Consciousness. Would
you like to make a donation?
KRISHNA
(shakes his head)
No, we gave at the office.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
A voluptuous BLONDE saunters through the airport, clears her
throat loudly, and spits on the wall.
She walks past an ELDERLY WOMAN standing outside a men's
room door. She turns and sticks her head in the door.
ELDERLY WOMAN
Go, O.J., go!!
INT. SECURITY CHECK AREA - NIGHT
SECURITY CHECK LADY is watching X-ray scanner. First picture
is typically filled suitcase, then another, then a chest X-
ray.
A man passes through metal detector archway and it BEEPS.
SECURITY LADY
Please put your metal objects on this
tray.
He puts his watch, keys on the tray. Then removes his metal
arm and metal leg.
EXT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT
MR. and MRS. HAMMEN and their eight year old son, JOEY,
arrive in a station wagon. They unload luggage.
P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
The red zone is for immediate loading and
unloading of passengers only. There is no
stopping in the white zone.
P.A. System Female v.o. weeping.
P. A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
The red zone is for...Betty, put down that
gun!
SHOTS and GROAN.
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
The white zone is for immediate loading
and unloading of passengers only. There is
no stopping in the red zone.
The Hammens walk toward terminal past a BUSINESSMAN.
BUSINESSMAN
Taxi!
A taxi cab skids to a stop in front of him. The Businessman
gets in as the driver, TED STRIKER, drops the flag and
rushes out.
STRIKER
Back in a minute.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - BAGGAGE PICKUP AREA - NIGHT
Striker enters, looking around as if searching for someone.
People are rolling down the conveyor belt of a baggage
carousel, banging into each other like luggage. The luggage
is standing around the conveyor belt, waiting for the people
to come off.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Striker, walking briskly, is approached by Zealot #3 who
tries to pin a flower on his jacket. Striker keeps walking
but the Zealot is persistent. Finally, Striker slips out of
his jacket leaving the Zealot with the coat.
P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
Your attention, please. Flight seven-
thirty-three from Milwaukee is now
arriving on the B Concourse, Gate thirty-
five.
EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
Flight 733 taxis toward gate. A GROUND CREWMAN with red
flashlights is directing plane to his right. A SECOND
GROUND CREWMAN approaches as First Ground Crewman continues
to direct plane to his right.
CREDITS END.
GROUND CREWMAN #2
Hey, Joe, where's the forklift?
GROUND CREWMAN #1
The forklift? It's over there by the
baggage loader.
He points to the left with his flashlights. Flight 733
follows flashlights and CRASHES into terminal.
INT. TERMINAL - GATE 35 - NIGHT
Nose of Flight 733 CRASHES into terminal, scattering waiting
crowd. A woman tosses away her infant child as she runs off.
INT. TERMINAL BULIDING - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Striker catches up to Elaine.
STRIKER
Elaine!
ELAINE
(surprised)
Ted!
STRIKER
I came home early and found your note. I
guess you meant for me to read it later.
Elaine, I've got to talk to you.
ELAINE
I just don't want to go over it any more.
STRIKER
I know things haven't been right for a
long time, but it'll be different. If
you'll just be patient, I can work things
out.
ELAINE
I have been patient and I've tried to
help, but you wouldn't even let me do
that.
STRIKER
Don't you feel anything for me at all any
more?
ELAINE
It takes so many things to make love last.
Most of all it takes respect. And I can't
live with a man I don't respect!
She leaves.
STRIKER
(to CAMERA)
What a pisser.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - CONCESSION AREA - NIGHT
CAPTAIN CLARENCE OVEUR is standing at the magazine racks.
The first two sections of the display are books; the third
is girly magazines. The captions over the display are
FICTION, NON-FICTION, WHACKING MATERIAL. He selects a
magazine entitled "Modern Sperm" and begins to page through.
P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
Captain Clarence Oveur, white courtesy
phone. Captain Clarence Oveur, white
courtesy phone.
Captain Oveur approaches telephones and picks up a red
phone.
OPERATOR (v.o.)
No, the white phone.
Oveur picks up the white phone.
OVEUR
This is Captain Oveur.
OPERATOR (v.o.)
One moment for your call from the Mayo
Clinic.
P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
Captain Oveur, white courtesy phone.
Captain Clarence Oveur...
OVEUR
(yelling at ceiling)
I've got it!
P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
All right. Thank you.
OPERATOR (v.o.)
Go ahead with your call.
TURNANSKY (v.o.)
This is Doctor Turnansky at the Mayo
Clinic.
INT. DR. TURNANSKY'S OFFICE - NIGHT
DR. TURNANSKY is seated at desk. Behind him are shelves
filled with mayonnaise jars.
TURNANSKY
There's a passenger on your Chicago flight
two-oh-niner, a little girl named Lisa
Davis -- en route to Minneapolis. She's
scheduled for a heart transplant and we'd
like you to tell her mother that we found
a donor an hour ago.
On his desk is a beaker containing a beating heart.
TURNANSKY
We have the heart here ready for surgery
and we must have the recipient on the
operating table within six hours.
The heart jumps out of the beaker, across the desk and falls
off the edge.
TURNANSKY
I want you to make sure she is kept in a
reclined position and that a continuous
watch is kept on her I.V.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PHONE AREA - NIGHT
TURNANSKY (v.o.)
Also, it's important that...
OPERATOR (v.o.)
Excuse me. This is the Operator, Captain
Oveur, I have an emergency call for you on
line five trom a Mister Hamm.
OVEUR
All right. Give me Hamm on five, hold the
Mayo.
EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
Ambulance arrives at airplane. Attendants and MRS. DAVIS
unload LISA DAVIS into wheelchair.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
Elaine and Striker are walking together.
STRIKER
Look, you'll be back in town tomorrow
night. We'll have dinner -- talk it over.
ELAINE
I won't be back. I've requested the
Atlanta run.
STRIKER
Elaine, not yet. I promise you I really
can change.
ELAINE
Then why don't you take the job that Louie
Netz offered you at Boeing?
In the b.g. an airline PORTER is transporting an ELDERLY
COUPLE in an electric cart. They round the corner too fast
and the woman falls out. Husband doesn't notice.
STRIKER
You know I haven't been able to get near
an airplane since the war. And even if I
could, they wouldn't hire me because of my
war record.
ELAINE
Your war record? You're the only one
keeping that alive. For everyone else it's
ancient history.
STRIKER
You expect me to believe that?
In the b.g. the Elderly Woman staggers to her feet and is
immediately run over by another electric cart.
ELAINE
It's the truth. What's hurt you the most
is your record since the war. Different
cities, different jobs, and not one of
them shows you can accept any real
responsibility.
STRIKER
But if you'll just give me...
ELAINE
It's too late, Ted. When I get back to
Chicago, I'm going to start my life all
over again. I'm sorry.
She walks off. Dramatic MUSIC as Striker glares with
determination. The religious Zealot tries to pin a flower on
his lapel.
ZEALOT #3
Hello, we'd like you to have this...
Without looking, Striker decks the Zealot with one punch. He
walks after Elaine.
INT. COCKPIT - FLIGHT 209 - NIGHT
Clarence Oveur is in the pilot's seat. VICTOR BASTA is
seated at engineer's console. There is a St. Christopher's
statue on the dashboard.
BASTA
Any word on that storm lifting over Salt
Lake, Clarence?
TEXACO SERVICE MAN is cleaning windshield.
OVEUR
Unlikely, Victor. I just reviewed the Area
Report for 1609 hours through 2400 hours.
That's an occluded front stalled over the
Dakotas -- backed up all the way to Utah.
Texaco Service Man opens hood and checks dipstick.
BASTA
If it decides to push over into the Great
Lakes it could get plenty soupy. How about
the southern route, around Tulsa?
OVEUR
I double checked the terminal forecast and
winds aloft. IFR ceilings all the way.
Oveur gives charge card to Texaco Man.
BASTA
Where do they top out?
OVEUR
Well, there's some light scattered cover
at twenty thousand with icing around
eighteen.
BASTA
Looks like the original flight plan over
Denver is still the best bet.
Oveur signs charge form and gives it to Texaco Man.
OVEUR
Denver it is.
ROGER MURDOCK enters. He is played by a famous athlete.
MURDOCK
Sorry, Clarence. Latest weather report
shows everything socked in from Salt Lake
to Lincoln.
OVEUR
(to Murdock)
Hi, Roger. Good to have you aboard.
Victor, this is Roger Murdock.
BASTA
How do you do, Roger?
Texaco Man hands receipt to Oveur.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - BOARDING AREA - NIGHT
Stewardesses Elaine and RANDY are greeting boarding
passengers including the Hammens and SISTER ANGELINA who is
carrying a guitar.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
HARI KRISHNA #1
Do you believe those goddamn Steelers? Can
you imagine blitzing on third and long
with two minutes in the game?
HARI KRISHNA #2
Well, hell, they couldn't stay in zone
coverage with Dallas running swing
patterns!
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
JACK
What did you think of 'Great
Expectations?'
SHIRLEY
Well, it wasn't all that I had hoped.
EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
A SOLDIER and GIRL are tearfully embracing at the base of
the stairs leading into the plane.
GIRL
Oh, Bill, I'm going to miss you so much.
SOLDIER
You promise you'll write.
GIRL
Every day.
AIRPORT STEWARD
Better get on board, son.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - GATE 89 - NIGHT
Striker approaches check-in counter.
STRIKER
Can you tell me if Elaine Dickinson is on
this flight?
She looks at her list.
CHECK-IN LADY
Well, the whole flight crew has boarded.
Yes. She is on board.
STRIKER
I'd like one ticket to Chicago. No
baggage!
EXT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT
The Businessman is patiently waiting in Striker's cab.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - GATE 89 - NIGHT
CHECK-IN LADY
Smoking or non-smoking?
STRIKER
Smoking, please.
She hands him a smoldering ticket, and he walks out the
door.
EXT. TERMINAL - NIGHT
Striker emerges and freezes in terror.
STRIKER'S POV - THE AIRPLANE - NIGHT
DRAMATIC MUSIC.
CLOSEUP - STRIKER - NIGHT
agonizing over war recollections. SUPERIMPOSE ROARING
fighter planes. SUPER FADES OUT. Striker musters his courage
and walks toward airplane.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
BLACK DUDE #l
Shi',man, tha' honkey mo'fo' mess wi' my
ol' lady, man I rap tha' dude upside his
head, man.
SUBTITLES APPEAR ON SCREEN: "GOLLY, THAT WHITE FELLOW SHOULD
STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE OR I WILL PUNCH HIM."
BLACK DUDE #2
Yeah, man, he ain't never goin' come on
layin' no pig rap off you, man.
SUBTITLES APPEAR ON SCREEN: "YES, THERE IS TRUTH IN WHAT YOU
SAY. HOWEVER, I THINK HE MAY BE MISLEADING YOU."
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Randy is taking Striker's ticket.
RANDY
Fourteen-B. It's halfway down on your
right.
STRIKER
Thank you.
As Striker sits down he sees Elaine, who is unaware he is on
board.
STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT
Elaine is handing out pillows. We HEAR A DING.
INSERT - LIGHTED WARNING SIGNS
"NO SMOKING
EL NO A YOU SMOKO"
"FASTEN SEAT BELTS
PUTANA DA SEATBELTZ"
He fastens his seat belt and looks nervously out the window.
The Elderly Woman next to him notices.
MRS. ELDERLY
Nervous?
STRIKER
Yes.
MRS. ELDERLY
First time?
STRIKER
No. I've been nervous lots of times. I
used to be a pilot myself...during the
war.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Elaine approaches Mrs. Davis and Lisa.
ELAINE
We'll be taking off real soon so we better
fasten you in tight.
LISA
Thank you. Oh Mother, this is so exciting.
MRS. DAVIS
I know, but remember you must get some
rest.
ELAINE
That's good advice. You relax and I'll be
back after we take off.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
MILTON, an eight year old boy wearing a conservative coat
and tie, fastens his seat belt and begins reading his
"Business Monthly" magazine.
He sees BERNICE, a seven year old girl, in the aisle and
looks her up and down.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
DRAMATIC MUSIC. Engines one and two REV UP.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Murdock and Oveur look toward left wing.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
ENGINES three and four REV UP.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Murdock and Oveur look toward right wing.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
Two more ENGINES REV UP.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Murdock and Oveur look toward left wing and do a double
take.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
Two more ENGINES REV UP.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Murdock and Oveur are confused and counting on their
fingers.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
Stairs are removed from airplane. The Soldier is in the open
doorway waving good-bye to his tearful girlfriend at the
base of the plane.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
OVEUR
Two-zero-niner to ground control. We are
loaded and ready to taxi.
EXT. TOWER - NIGHT
GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)
Roger, two-zero-niner. You are third in
line for takeoff...Air Israel, taxi into
position.
EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
An Air Israel airplane with beard and pais, wearing a
yarmulka and tallis.
EXT. TOWER - NIGHT
GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)
Air Poland, you are cleared for takeoff.
INT. AIR POLAND COCKPIT - NIGHT
Crew is Jose Feliciano and look-alike for Ray Charles.
EXT. TOWER - NIGHT
GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)
Taxi to runway one-niner.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Oveur moves console levers as if shifting into first gear.
EXT. AIRPLANE - SOLDIER - NIGHT
as 209 starts to taxi, the Soldier is leaning out the door.
SOLDIER
Good-bye, darling.
EXT. RUNWAY - GIRL - NIGHT
His girlfriend is moving along next to the plane as in
typical train station good-bye scene.
GIRL
Oh, good-bye, Bill! Have your picture
taken as soon as you get there and send me
one!
As she runs, she dodges posts. We HEAR the chug chug of a
steam engine pulling from a station.
SOLDIER
I will.
She runs through crowd of people standing on side of runway.
GIRL
Don't you go getting fat or anything.
She's running faster.
SOLDIER
Don't worry, I won't. Okay, here -- hurry!
He tosses her his watch.
GIRL
Oh, but it's your watch. You shouldn't.
You'll need it.
She is now knocking down posts as she keeps up with the
accelerating plane.
SOLDIER
Good-bye, darling.
GIRL
Oh, Bill, I'll keep it. I'll keep it with
me all the time.
SOLDIER
So long, darling. Good-bye. Take care of
yourself.
GIRL
Bill! Bill! Good-bye, Bill.
SOLDIER
Good-bye, darling.
GIRL
Good-bye, darling. I love you. I love you,
darling.
SOLDIER
Good-bye, darling.
A TRAIN WHISTLE sounds. She stops running and waves.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
GROUND CONTROLLER (v.o.)
Flight two-zero-niner, you are cleared for
takeoff.
OVEUR
Roger.
MURDOCK
(turning to Oveur)
Huh?
Oveur throws console lever into second gear.
GROUND CONTROLLER (v.o.)
L.A. departure frequency two-point-niner.
OVEUR
Roger.
MURDOCK
(turning to Oveur)
Huh?
BASTA
(to tower)
Request vector...over.
OVEUR
(turning to Basta)
What?
GROUND CONTROLLER (v.o.)
Flight two-zero-niner, cleared for vector
three...two four.
MURDOCK
We have clearance, Clarence.
OVEUR
Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Oveur throws console lever into third.
EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
Flight 209 takes off, flying erratically.
BASTA (v.o.)
Tower radioed clearance, over.
OVEUR (v.o.)
That's Clarence Oveur...over.
BASTA (v.o.)
Roger.
MURDOCK (v.o.)
Huh?
TOWER (v.o.)
Roger, over.
OVEUR (v.o.)
What?!
MURDOCK (v.o.)
Huh?
INSERT - SEAT BELT AND SMOKING SIGNS
going off.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Striker walks to rear of plane and looks out window. He
swallows a couple of pills. Randy approaches.
RANDY
Do you feel all right, sir?
STRIKER
Oh -- I haven't flown for a long time.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Elaine is handing out magazines.
OVEUR (v.o.)
Good evening, this is Captain Oveur
speaking. We'll be cruising at thirty-six,
thousand feet, and arrival time in Chicago
is ten-forty-five Central Time. The
temperature there is sixty-two degrees,
with a twenty percent chance of
precipitation. And now here's Victor with
People in the news.
BASTA (v.o.)
Thank you, Clarence. Ali McGraw announced
another spin on the marriage-go-round. And
who's the lucky guy? You guessed it. None
other than Olympic gymnast...
Elaine approaches Mrs. Elderly. Striker's seat is vacant.
ELAINE
Would you like something to read?
MRS. ELDERLY
Do you have anything light?
Elaine hands her a small piece of paper.
ELAINE
How about this leaflet: 'Famous Jewish
Sports Legends?'
MRS. ELDERLY
(taking pamphlet)
Yes. Thank you.
Elaine turns and is shocked to see Striker approaching his
seat.
ELAINE
Ted, what are you doing here?
STRIKER
Elaine, I've got to talk to you.
ELAINE
You...you shouldn't have come. I don't
have time now.