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Analyze-Tha.txt
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ANALYZE THAT
Screenplay by
PETER STEINFELD and HAROLD RAMIS and PETER TOLAN
Based on characters created by
KENNETH LONERGAN and PETER TOLAN
June 2002 Draft
FOR EDUCATIONAL
PURPOSES ONLY
FADE IN:
INT. DIMLY-LIT BAR - NIGHT
Two men, CAESAR and MARTY "DUCKS," stand at the end of the
deserted bar, talking quietly, oblivious to the exotic dancer
grinding her pelvis on a pole in the middle of the small
stage. Body language and charisma tell us that Caesar is the
boss, "Ducks" his lieutenant.
DUCKS
It's Peezee. Gotta be. He hates your
fuckin' guts.
CAESAR
(brooding)
I don't know.
DUCKS
Who else knew about the money? And
how did Peezee know they popped Tony
Cisco when we didn't even hear about
it 'til last night?
CAESAR
(sighs heavily)
I don't know.
DUCKS
(pressing)
What is so hard to understand here?
You said yourself Peezee was a
mamaluke and you couldn't trust him.
Now suddenly you're soft on the guy?
CAESAR
I just don't think it was him.
DUCKS
Okay, I'll bite. If not Peezee, then
who?
CAESAR
(slowly rising to
his full height)
I think it was you, Ducks.
Caesar starts to walk away as the bartender, now holding a
sawed-off shotgun, moves closer to Ducks. The exotic dancer
splits in a hurry through a curtain at the back of the stage.
DUCKS
(scared)
You gotta be kiddin'!
Caesar stops at the door where two of his soldiers have
2.
appeared, holding AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.
DUCKS
Caesar, you know me! What kind of
fuckin' idiot would I have to be to
try that shit with you?
CAESAR
A dead fuckin' idiot.
As he walks out the door, the soldiers OPEN FIRE on Marty
"Ducks." Caesar doesn't look back.
PULL BACK TO:
TV SCREEN
The title credits come up on the made-for-cable series we've
been watching, "Little Caesar." CLAPPING AND CHEERING from
O.S.
WIDEN TO:
INT. SING SING PRISON - NIGHT
Maximum-security prisoners are gathered around watching their
favorite show in the rec room. In the front row is PAUL VITTI,
former New York crime boss, and a couple of other wiseguys.
VITTI
Garbage. Change the channel.
WISEGUY
Okay, Paul.
The WISEGUY gets up and starts switching channels on the TV.
A couple of CONVICTS in the back start to protest.
CONVICT
Hey! What're you doin', asshole!
Vitti turns and stares at them. They fall silent
immediately.
CONVICT
Sorry, Mr. Vitti. Didn't mean any
disrespect.
WISEGUY
Punks.
Vitti turns the page and sees a huge headline in the Post:
MOB SHRINK TELLS ALL. He gets up, agitated.
3.
VITTI
I'm going to bed.
Vitti stands up and heads back to his cell.
CUT TO:
INT. CELL BLOCK - MOMENTS LATER
As Vitti approaches his cell, he sees a prison guard standing
by. His cellmate, EARL, a giant of a man, comes out of their
cell carrying his bedroll and a box containing his other
meager possessions.
VITTI
(suspicious)
What's goin' on, Earl?
EARL
They're transferring me.
VITTI
Why?
EARL
(shrugs)
Don't know. Thanks for looking out
for me, Mr. Vitti.
VITTI
Yeah. Take it easy.
He notices something in the box.
VITTI
Hey, Earl. Is that my after-shave?
EARL
(blanches)
I'm sorry. I just grabbed stuff -- I
didn't know --
VITTI
That's okay. Keep it. Go ahead.
EARL
Thanks. See you around.
Earl exits with the guard. Vitti hesitates a moment, then
warily steps into his cell.
CUT TO:
INT. VITTI'S CELL - MIDDLE OF NIGHT
The cellblock is quiet. A guard stops outside the darkened
cell, looks around to make sure no one is watching, then
4.
pulls out a GUN with a SILENCER, reaches through the bars and
FIRES REPEATEDLY into Vitti's shadowy form under the blanket.
Then he slips away as quietly as he appeared.
ON his exit we PAN DOWN TO Vitti, unhurt, curled up under his
bunk.
CUT TO:
INT. MEMORIAL CHAPEL - DAY
A deluxe casket flanked by elaborate floral displays and an
easel displaying a portrait of the deceased, Dr. Isaac Sobel.
Mourners fill the pews, standees at the back, an overflow
crowd. BEN SOBEL sits in the front row, staring at the
casket with his wife, LAURA, his son, MICHAEL, now a
teenager, BEN'S MOTHER, and her friend, DR. JOYCE BROTHERS.
At the podium, the RABBI is speaking.
RABBI
And now I'd like to call on Isaac's
son, Dr. Ben Sobel, who would like to
say a few words.
Ben rises and crosses solemnly to the podium.
BEN
(addressing audience)
It's very difficult for me to talk
about my father, because in a sense
I'm talking about two men.
BEN (CONT'D)
One, of course, is the public Isaac
Sobel, the eminent psychotherapist and
popular author known to millions of
readers around the world.
Laura, Michael and Ben's Mother listen proudly to the eulogy.
BEN
The second Isaac Sobel is the private
man -- my father -- Dad. And for
those of you who knew him well and
knew our family -- well, let's face it
-- my father was a psychotic, mind-
fucking prick. An arrogant, abusive,
ego-inflated --
A RINGING CELL PHONE interrupts him.
JUMP CUT TO:
BEN
5.
still seated in the front row, daydreaming. The RINGING
CONTINUES as all the mourners and even the Rabbi discreetly
check their cell phones.
Then Ben realizes it's his, fumbles for the phone in his
jacket pocket and answers it.
BEN
(whispers)
Hello?
The mourners mutter.
CUT TO:
INT. PRISON PAY PHONE - SAME TIME
VITTI
Guess who, you fuck!
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. CHAPEL
Ben turns away from Laura.
BEN
Paul?
(to Laura)
I have to, uh, take this.
(into phone)
This isn't a good time.
Vitti is disheveled, his hair messed, his shirt buttoned
wrong.
VITTI
Not a good time? Let me explain
something to you. I'm in fucking Hell
right now. This is not a good time.
BEN
(sotto voce)
I can't talk right now. My father
died!
VITTI
So what does that have to do with me?
BEN
Call me later --
VITTI
Don't hang up on, Sobel! They're
tryin' to kill me!
6.
Ben hangs up.
CUT BACK TO:
VITTI
He stands there for a long beat just staring, the DIAL TONE
BUZZING in his ear.
CUT TO:
INT. SING SING - MESS HALL - NEXT DAY
Vitti and another WISEGUY pass through the cafeteria line
with their trays. Vitti now looks catatonic.
WISEGUY #2
Ooh, they got tapioca. I love
tapioca.
(looks at Vitti)
You all right, Paul?
Vitti just stares, wild-eyed, actually drooling a little.
WISEGUY #2
Can I have your tapioca?
A guard, the one who tried to kill him, watches Vitti from
his post. Then he nods to someone across the room.
COYOTE, a heavily-muscled and tattooed gang member, nods in
response.
Vitti walks past the table where Coyote is sitting with other
tough Hispanic gang members.
COYOTE
(to Vitti)
Hey, Fredo! Or is it Guido?
His friends laugh.
Vitti stops and stares dumbly at them.
COYOTE
Just keep walkin', Don Corleone.
There is a tense moment, then Vitti bursts out laughing.
COYOTE
Shut up!
Vitti laughs harder, strangely manic.
COYOTE
I said, shut up, bitch!
7.
But Vitti can't stop. He drops his tray of slop, splattering
food on the men. Coyote leaps to his feet and pulls a shiv.
COYOTE
You're a dead man, jefe!
Coyote lunges at Vitti with the knife, but Vitti suddenly
whirls around, bashes Coyote in the face with his food tray
and bursts into song.
VITTI
(singing, with
appropriate dance
moves)
'When you're a Jet,
You're a Jet all the way,
From your first cigarette
To your last dyin' day...'
Prisoners and guards stare at him like he's nuts.
Coyote stabs at him again, but Vitti dodges and smashes him
over the head with the tray.
VITTI
'When you're a Jet,
If the shit hits the fan,
You got brothers around,
You're a family man...'
COYOTE
You're a dead man, jefe!
Coyote rushes him, but Vitti sidesteps and hits him in the
face.
Guards move in from all sides. Vitti jumps up on the
tabletop to escape them.
VITTI
(kicking at them,
singing)
'I like to be in America,
Okay by me in America...'
The guards drag him down and cuff his hands behind him, then
carry him out stiff as a board.
VITTI
'Tonight, tonight, won't be just
any night -- '
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. SOBEL HOUSE - LATER
A limo pulls up to an old, but well-maintained suburban
house, the family gets out and starts walking to the house.
8.
CUT TO:
EXT. SOBEL HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - MOMENTS LATER
The family crosses to the front door.
BEN
(sighs deeply)
I can't believe he's gone.
LAURA
I can't believe what you said about
him. Cold and withholding? You had
to tell everybody?
MICHAEL
Nice. Why didn't you just take a
swing at the casket?
Ben opens the front door and they go in.
CUT TO:
INT. FOYER - CONTINUOUS ACTION
The family enters the foyer.
BEN
Okay, I might have strayed from my
notes a little. I'm dealing with a
lot of stuff here. Grief is a
process.
Laura notices FBI AGENTS CERRONE and MILLER waiting for them
in the living room. Cerrone is an attractive woman in her
late twenties, wearing a dangerously-short skirt. Miller is
a clean-cut man in his thirties.
MILLER
Dr. Sobel, I'm Agent Miller, this is
Special Agent Cerrone, Federal Bureau
of Investigation. We'd just like to
ask you a few questions, if we could.
LAURA
(testy)
Can I ask what this is about? We just
came from the cemetery.
CERRONE
We know this is a difficult time for
you, Dr. Sobel. Sorry about your
father.
BEN
Thank you, I'm going to miss him
9.
terribly.
Ben gestures for them to sit.
Laura and Michael both look at him doubtfully.
BEN
I mean -- there were issues -- as, I
think, there are with any father and
son. He wasn't especially warm --
LAURA
Ben -- once today? Enough.
BEN
No, I'm just saying, in spite of all
that --
Agent Cerrone crosses her legs, a move that does not go
unnoticed by Ben and Michael.
BEN
-- he was a great, great legs.
(beat)
Man.
CERRONE
Dr. Sobel, you received a call this
morning from Paul Vitti?
Laura shoots him a look.
BEN
What makes you think Paul Vitti called
me?
MILLER
Because we monitor and record all his
phone calls from Sing Sing.
BEN
Then yes. He did.
LAURA
That was him on the phone?
BEN
Yes.
LAURA
And you didn't tell me?
MICHAEL
Wow. Talk about withholding.
BEN
Michael?
10.
LAURA
You told her --
(nodding at
Agent Cerrone)
You told her at the drop of a hat.
Agents Cerrone and Miller eye each other.
BEN
She's with the F.B.I. She needs to
know these things.
LAURA
Oh, I see. And I don't. Why tell
Laura? She couldn't possibly handle a
phone call.
BEN
Did I say that?
MILLER
You folks need a minute?
BEN
No, we're fine.
LAURA
If you don't need me anymore, I'll be
in the kitchen.
(to Agent Cerrone)
And two words of advice -- from one
professional woman to another -- Pant.
Suit.
She exits.
BEN
She's grieving. It's a process.
MILLER
We understand.
(prompting)
Vitti?
BEN
Oh, yes. Paul Vitti and I were
involved in some organized crime
activity a couple of years ago. I
mean, I wasn't involved -- not
'involved' involved -- I was just
trying to help him therapeutically,
and some people tried to, uh, kill us.
No big deal.
MILLER
Well, shortly after you spoke, he
11.
seemed to have some kind of breakdown.
BEN
What kind of breakdown?
MILLER
I think you'd better go up there and
see for yourself.
CUT TO:
INT. SING SING INFIRMARY - PSYCH WARD - DAY
Vitti huddles in the corner of a bare, white, padded cell,
rocking, completely out of his head.
VITTI
(singing)
'I feel pretty, oh, so pretty, I feel
pretty and witty and bright...'
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - SAME TIME
Ben watches through a two-way mirror with the prison
psychiatrist, DR. CUTLER. They can hear Vitti through a
wall-mounted speaker.
DR. CUTLER
I'm treating him with Thioridazine,
300 milligrams, T.I.D. That seems to
keep him pretty calm.
BEN
(watching Vitti)
That would keep a parade pretty calm.
He just keeps singing West Side Story
songs?
DR. CUTLER
'Tonight,' 'Maria,' the balcony scene.
BEN
The balcony scene? Both parts?
DR. CUTLER
Oh, yeah. Get him to do 'Officer
Krupke.' It's really good.
INT. PADDED CELL
Ben and Dr. Cutler enter. Vitti doesn't seem to notice.
VITTI
(singing)
'Who's the pretty girl in the mirror
12.
there? What mirror? Where? Who can
that attractive girl be?'
BEN
Paul, it's me. Ben Sobel. Paul?
(beat)
Maria?
VITTI
Tony?
BEN
(with a look to
Dr. Cutler)
Oh, boy.
(to Vitti)
What's going on, Maria?
VITTI
The rumble -- it's tonight! I have to
get out of here. I don't want to die.
No, Chino, no!
Vitti's jaw suddenly goes slack and he slumps in his seat,
staring forward.
BEN
Paul? Paul?
Ben waves a hand in front of Vitti's face. Nothing.
DR. CUTLER
This is how it's been. He sings for a
while, then he goes completely
catatonic.
BEN
(skeptical)
Really. Can we take him to an
examining room?
DR. CUTLER
Of course.
CUT TO:
INT. EXAMINING ROOM - MINUTES LATER
Vitti sits inert on the examination table.
BEN
You already did a neurological work-
up?
DR. CUTLER
Yep. No tumors, no aneurisms, no sign
of stroke --
13.
Ben slaps Vitti's face lightly a couple times.
BEN
Completely catatonic --
He pulls on Vitti's ears and nose. Vitti does not react.
BEN
Totally gone. Well, I don't think
he's smart enough to be faking.
Street smart, yes, but we're talking
about an I.Q. just north of a bedroom
slipper.
Ben checks Vitti out of the corner of his eye. No reaction.
Then Ben takes a sharp needle from an instrument tray.
BEN
So if I just stuck him with this
needle, he probably wouldn't even
respond.
DR. CUTLER
I don't know. Try it.
Ben hesitates for a moment to see if Vitti will crack, then
BEN
Okay --
He sticks the needle into Vitti's shoulder.
VITTI
(bursts into song)
'Boy, boy, crazy boy, keep cool, boy!
Got a rocket in your pocket, keep
cool-y cool boy -- '
CUT TO:
INT. SING SING - CONSULTATION ROOM - NEXT DAY
Vitti is sitting at a table facing Ben. Dr. Cutler observes
from a chair in the corner.
BEN
Paul, we're going to give you some
tests to assess your mental condition.
There's no pressure -- just answer as
best you can. Do I have your consent
to share the results of these tests?
VITTI
Mommy's mad at me because I made a
boom on the rug.
14.
BEN
I'll take that as a yes. Okay, I'm
going to show you ten cards, each
containing a picture of an inkblot. I
want you to look at each card and tell
me what you see.
VITTI
I see you. I see him. I see a table.
BEN
Focus, Paul. You haven't seen the
card yet.
(hands him first card)
What does this look like to you? Take
your time.
Vitti looks at the wrong side of the card. It's all white.
VITTI
It looks like snow.
BEN
No, Paul, the other side.
Vitti turns it over and makes a face.
VITTI
A bat. A big bat. Or a weasel.
BEN
(taking notes)
Bat or weasel. All right.
VITTI
And he's got a little girl -- no, it's
a little boy -- in his teeth -- and
he's shakin' him and shakin' him
'cause the kid didn't wipe himself
good -- and the kid is screaming
because the bat-weasel ripped out his
throat and the blood is shootin' out
of his neck vein.
(pointing)
That's the blood.
Doctor Cutler looks worried.
BEN
(skeptical)
See anything else?
VITTI
Just the pussy with the teeth.
15.
BEN
(making more notes)
Pussy with teeth. Next card.
CUT TO:
SHAPES TEST
Vitti is literally trying to pound a square peg into a round
hole.
CUT TO:
VITTI AND BEN
BEN
Now try repeating the numbers
backwards. For instance, if I was 1-
2-3, you will say 3-2-1. Okay, 7-3-8.
VITTI
3-2-1.
BEN
Try again. 7-3-8.
VITTI
Blue.
CUT TO:
THEMATIC APPERCEPTION TEST
Vitti studies a vague and ambiguous photograph of a man
standing beside a bed with a sleeping woman and child on it.
BEN
Just tell me what you think is going
on in this picture.
VITTI
This is a picture of a guy -- nice,
hardworking guy -- comes home and
finds out his wife's been screwin'
this midget while he was out of town.
BEN
(appalled, makes
a note)
Screwing a midget. And how does the
story end?
VITTI
I think he works over the midget for a
while, then he blows 'em away.
16.
BEN
The wife or the midget?
VITTI
(smirks)
Trick question, right? Both of 'em.
CUT TO:
ANOTHER TEST
BEN
Okay, Paul. Last test. In this one,
I'm going to start a sentence and you
complete it any way you want to.
Ready? 'I get
angry -- '
VITTI
Yes.
BEN
No, you're supposed to complete the
sentence.
VITTI
I did. I said 'yes.'
BEN
I wasn't asking if you agreed or
disagreed; it was more like, 'I get
angry when -- '
VITTI
-- whenever.
BEN
Well, that about does it for me.
CUT TO:
INT. U.S. ATTORNEY'S OFFICE - DAY
Ben meets with RICHARD CHAPIN, the U.S. Attorney for the
Southern District of New York.
BEN
Based on his symptoms and the test
results, I'd say brief psychotic
disorder -- if it persists, possibly
schizophreniform disorder. And Dr.
Cutler agrees with my diagnosis.
CHAPIN
So he's crazy?
17.
BEN
Dr. Cutler? No, he's annoying, but --
CHAPIN
Vitti.
BEN
Not crazy. At least not permanently.
In certain people, continuous exposure
to an extremely stressful situation --
soldiers in combat, for instance,
disaster victims, a hostage situation,
or being locked up in a maximum
security prison with someone trying to
kill you -- it can produce a temporary
psychotic state.
CHAPIN
How temporary?
BEN
A day, a week, up to a month -- if the
precipitating stressors are removed.
CHAPIN
(musing)
Which means he's not going to get any
better while he's still in the can.
BEN
He could get worse. He could
deteriorate to the point where he'd be
permanently schizophrenic.
CHAPIN
Then I'd say he's got a real problem,
because he goes before the parole
board in four weeks.
BEN
You think they'll let him out?
CHAPIN
Oh, yeah, I'm sure they'll want to
release a major Mafia figure who's now
totally deranged on top of it.
BEN
(thinks)
Well, couldn't you release him to a
halfway house or some place where he
could get some decent treatment?
Based on my earlier work with him, I
don't think he's dangerous, and I
think he was making a real effort to
reform himself.
18.
CHAPIN
You do, huh?
(thinks for a
long moment)
Okay. Then I'll tell you what. I'm
gonna release him into your custody.
BEN
Mine? Me? No, this is a bad time for
me. My father just died -- and I've
got this bulging disc in my neck --
and we're redecorating, which is a
total nightmare. I can't --
CHAPIN
You want to see him killed in prison?
BEN
No, of course not.
CHAPIN
Or sent to a facility for the
criminally insane.
BEN
No --
CHAPIN
Then he's all yours. I'm going to
talk to the Bureau of Prisons and get
you certified as a temporary federal
institution.
BEN
(stricken)
What? I can't be an institution.
CHAPIN
(firm)
You've got thirty days to get him in
shape for his parole hearing. That
means sane, sober and gainfully
employed. But let me warn you,
Doctor. If he fucks up in any way --
if he flees, or if I find out that
this whole thing was just a setup so
he could get back on the street and
return to a life of crime -- I will
hold you totally responsible, and I'll
see that you are stripped of your
license and prosecuted to the full
extent of the law. Are we clear?
BEN
(gulp)
Yes. We're clear.
19.
CHAPIN
You still want him?
BEN
(long beat to
decide)
Yes.
CUT TO:
EXT. SING SING - FEW DAYS LATER
The gate opens and Ben coaxes Vitti outside. A guard watches
them.
BEN
Okay, Paul -- this way.
Vitti comes out carrying an overnight bag, walking like a
zombie. Ben leads him over to the car and opens the door for
him. Vitti keeps walking, passing the car.
BEN
This way, Paul. Over here. Here we
go.
Ben helps Vitti into the car. One of Vitti's legs is still
outside.
BEN
Leg, Paul. Leg up.
Ben lifts Vitti's leg into the car and closes the door.
CUT TO:
INT. CAR - MOMENTS LATER
Ben STARTS the CAR and pulls away with Vitti still slumped in
his seat. Once out of sight of the prison, Vitti straightens
and turns on Ben, suddenly lucid.
VITTI
(enraged)
You fucking son-of-a-bitch! Where the
fuck do you get off sticking me with a
needle?
BEN
I knew it! I knew you were faking!
You used me to get you out of prison!
VITTI
Took you long enough. I was singin'
West Side Story for three fuckin'
days. I'm half a fag already.
20.
BEN
What are you talking about?
VITTI
I call you to say somebody's trying to
kill me and you hang up on me?
BEN
I was at the funeral home!
VITTI
You're my fuckin' doctor!
BEN
My father died!
VITTI
Me me me me! He's dead! Get over it.
BEN
Are you hearing yourself?
VITTI
(perfunctorily)
I'm deeply sorry for your loss.
BEN
Yeah, I can see how touched you are.
VITTI
What's the difference? You hated him
anyway.
BEN
I loved my father. I'm feeling a lot
of grief right now.
VITTI
I'm not sensing it, but if you say so.
Ben nervously pops a pill and swallows it.
VITTI
(re: pill)
What's that?
BEN
Decongestant. I'm getting over a
cold. All right, what's going on?
Who's after you?
VITTI
I don't know -- take your pick. Could
be my old family, or could be the
Rigazzis. Ever heard of Lou Rigazzi -
- Lou 'The Wrench'?
21.
BEN
Why "The Wrench"?
VITTI
Because he twisted a guy's head off
once.
BEN
Off?
VITTI
Off. Fuckin' Calabrese -- animals.
And comin' from me you know that's a
big compliment.
BEN
I'm sure they'd be flattered. So --
VITTI
The feds are really putting the
pressure on. The families are
fighting each other again -- what's
left of 'em. It's the fall of the
fuckin' Roman Empire. It's
World War Three out there.
BEN
So what does that have to do with you?
VITTI
They knew I was gettin' out soon and
the last thing anybody wants to see is
me getting into it on either side.
BEN
Maybe if you just explain to
them -- that you're out of it now,
that you're starting a new life --
VITTI
Yeah, they'll probably want to throw
me a party and give me a gold watch.
Trust me -- nobody's lookin' forward
to me being out.
BEN
You are, aren't you?
VITTI
Me? Oh, yeah, my future looks real
fuckin' rosy.
Ben can't believe what he's gotten himself into.
CUT TO:
EXT. SOBEL HOUSE - LATER
22.
Ben and Vitti pull into the driveway and get out of the car.
BEN
Want to grab your stuff?
VITTI
I'm not gonna be here that long.
Jelly's pickin' me up in an hour.
BEN
Paul! I don't think you understand.
You're in my custody. I could get in
a lot of trouble if you screw up.
VITTI
Don't worry about it. I'll call you
tomorrow.
BEN
Oh, no. You want to go back to Sing
Sing? Thursday's meatloaf night. I
can have you back there in no time.
The U.S. Attorney was very clear. You
stay with me; therapy every day; you
can't leave the area without
permission --
VITTI
What are you, my father now?
BEN
And you have to get a job as soon as
you're well enough, which is now. So
are you coming in with me or do I have
to make a phone call?
Vitti relents and grabs his stuff from the back seat.
VITTI
I'm comin'. Some fuckin' life this is